There will never be a dawn that breaks the spell surrounding us

Work on Sunday and Monday were pretty much the same. The only thing of not e was the fact that I stayed for almost the entirety of my shifts on both days. Hours picking up? I hope so!

Sunday I had an episode. And by that I mean I cried because I didn't know there was going to be a 'Walking Dead' marathon until the new episode aired at nine. I ended up missing episode 7, for the second time, and was so upset and frustrated that I wouldn't be able to watch it or the newer ones until DVD, ensuring I was behind everyone once again.

Thankfully, I was saved by Kara, who found me a site to download episode 7 on, so I was able to watch that and then watch the newest one at 11.

During work on Monday, I got some super cute texts from John:

":* My Valentine"

"You deserve to be covered with kisses :* :* :*"

:333333333333333333333

I should say that the first of those texts was completely out of the blue. They made me blush like mad.

He calls me his "kitten" :3

I haven't done much this Valentine's Day, though I did hit the gym and watch one of my Netflix films; 'Ravenous'. I...I don't...I don't even. I didn't like it, that's all I can say.

I just made chicken and pasta for dinner and oh my God it's delicious. I'm not even bragging, I did a fucking phenomenal job.

Work again tomorrow, 12-8 this time.

The city breathing, the people turning

Didn't do all that much today. I did, however, make it to the gym for about 40 minutes, so that wasn't too bad. I got $50 from Poppy and Nona for Valentine's Day, something I'll be using for my upcoming vacation.

I also got caught up on the most recent episode of 'Downton', and got John to agree to watch the first episode of it with me. With any luck, he will love it as much as I do and we can watch it together.

This evening, after making home made French fries to go with our dinner, I watched up to episode 3 of season 3 of 'Misfits', finally. I would finish season 3 but I have to work at 11 tomorrow.

And so it goes

Last night after my Skype date with John, I Skyped with Rebekah for a bit when she unexpectedly signed online. I also managed to finish The Girl Who Played With Fire and desperately need the last book in the trilogy.

I texted John a list of things I had written down, since he did ask, that could give him an idea of what to get me for Valentine's Day. I stressed that obviously I wasn't asking for every thing on the list, nor even the more expensive things {seasons 1 and 2 of 'Downton Abbey', would probably be considered "expensive"}, but it was just an idea. I also told him if he had no idea, he could always get me giftcards.

He is not so easy to shop for, sadly, and has no use for giftcards. I would continue getting him seasons of 'IT Crowd', but I kind of want to space them out. Maybe season 2 for his birthday in August? I told him if he made a wishlist on Amazon, he could link it to me and I could go from there. So far, the only thing he put on there was a video game. It's a start at least. And at $25, it's not even that bad.

I went to bed around 12:25 last night and slept in until a little after 10. I watched an episode of 'All in the Family' with Dad before he went to bed and then Skyped/chatted with Emmy and Ben.

I hit up the gym this afternoon...kinda had a subpar work out, too, and then got dinner at Subway. I watched the second episode of 'Boardwalk Empire'...and...despite really wanting to like it...the show is just leaving me cold. I'm not excited by it, I'm not like, "OH MY GOD MUST KEEP WATCHING!!!!" whenever an episode ends. It's...It's kind of boring, to be honest.

At least I didn't buy the series, and since I'll be returning the discs, I can start getting movies/'The Wire' again.

Reckless abandon, like no one's watching you

Me: "One of your presents came in today. The other one is shipping from the UK so I'll have to mail it to you later."
John: "That's more than fine. On that note, something serious. In a few days it'll be a holiday I've not had much use for. Thanks to you that's changed. However I don't know how best to go about doing things for it. That being said I'd like to try and have something else handy when I arrive this month, late as it'll be anyway. Will you be my Valentine? If yes, what may I get you?"

:33333333333333333

That happened last night during our nightly texting. He's so cute :)

I told him I wasn't sure what to get him and didn't know what he should get me- though I did think of a whole list of things later on- and that it didn't matter when we celebrated the holiday, as long as we were together.

After he went to bed, I started reading Death in Salem: The Private Lives Behind the 1692 Witch Hunt by Diane E. Foulds before I too went to bed around 12:30. I actually was awake around 8 something, but stayed in bed until 9:25.

Mom, Dad and I went to Metrocast before we went to lunch and got a new modem, which I hooked up in minutes. It is so nice to have internet again, especially since I can have my Skype dates again whenever I want.

BBQ place didn't happen, but we went to this place called Kapelli's. I got a sausage and meatball sub which I found good. Mom of course was her usual charming self and was sniping at me during much of the afternoon.

I finished the book I was reading and watched the first episode of 'Boardwalk Empire' with Mom before my shower. Since John's going to bed at 10 to work at 7 tomorrow morning, our Skype date should be happening any time now.

Updated 2012 Book List:
1. John Adams by David McCullough
2. A Feast For Crows by George R.R. Martin
3. A Dance With Dragons by George R.R. Martin
4. The Book of Common Dread by Brent Monahan
5. Schindler’s List by Thomas Kenneally
6. Wolves of the Calla by Stephen King
7. Song of Susannah by Stephen King
8. The Dark Tower by Stephen King
9. The Stand by Stephen King
10. Eyes of the Dragon by Stephen King
11. Mythology: Epic Tales of Gods and Heroes by Edith Hamilton
12. The Dark Lord of Derkholm by Diana Wynne Jones
13. Plagues and Peoples by William H. McNeill
14. The Girl Who Played With Fire by Stieg Larsson
15. The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest by Stieg Larsson
16. Emma by Jane Austen
17. The Tudors: The Complete Story of England’s Most Notorious Dynasty by G.J. Meyer
18. The Chronicles of Chrestomanci Vol. 3 by Diana Wynne Jones
19. A Wizard of Earthsea by Ursula K. LeGuin
20. The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien {re-read}
21. The Silmarillion by J.R.R. Tolkien
22. The Hound of the Baskervilles by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
23. Royal Affairs: A Lusty Romp Through the Extramarital Adventures That Rocked the British Monarchy by Leslie Carroll
24. Six Wives: The Queens of Henry VIII by David Starkey
25. Elizabeth’s London: Everyday Life in Elizabethan London by Liza Picard
26. Whores of the Devil by Erik Durschmied
27. Death in Salem: The Private Lives Behind the 1692 Witch Hunt by Diane E. Foulds
28. Pox Americana by Elizabeth A. Fenn
29. Don’t Know Much About the Civil War by Kenneth C. Davis
30. Medium Raw: A Bloody Valentine to the World of Food and the People Who Cook by Anthony Bourdain
31. The Nasty Bits by Anthony Bourdain
32. The Shipwreck That Saved Jamestown by Lorri Glover
33. The Devil In the Shape of a Woman: Witchcraft in Colonial New England by Carol F. Karlsen
34. The King’s Speech by Mark Logue
35. 1776 by David McCullough
36. The Great Filth: The War Against Disease in Victorian England by Stephen Halliday
37. English History Made Brief, Irreverent and Pleasurable by Lacey Baldwin Smith
38. Spice: The History of a Temptation by Jack Turner
39. A Distant Mirror: The Calamitous Fourteenth Century by Barbara W. Tuchman
40. The Peasant’s Revolt: England’s Failed Revolution of 1381 by Alastair Dunn
41. Witchfinders: A Seventeenth Century Tragedy by Malcolm Gaskill
42. Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh
43. Rendezvous With Rama by Arthur C. Clarke
44. John Dies At the End by David Wong
45. When You Are Engulfed in Flames by David Sedaris
46. London: A History by A.N. Wilson
47. The Complete Stories of Truman Capote
48. Everything’s Eventual by Stephen King
49. The Princess Bride by William Goldman
50. The American Revolution by Edward Countryman
51. The Book of Five Rings by Miyamoto Musashi
52. Shinsengumi: The Shogun’s Last Samurai Corps
53. Blood and Guts: A Short History of Medicine by Roy Porter
54. Eleanor of Aquitaine: A Life by Alison Weir
55. The Medieval Underworld by Andrew McCall
56. Under the Black Flag: The Romance and the Reality of Life Among the Pirates by David Cordingly
57. Let The Right One In by John Ajvide Lindqvist
58. The Wealth of Wives: Women, Law & Economy in Late Medieval London by Barbara A. Hanawalt
59. Unsinkable by Daniel Butler
60. Great Tales From English History, Vol. 2 by Robert Lacey

Pale blue eyes, strawberry hair

The modem at home is still broken. A tech is supposed to come out on Wednesday around 1 to fix it. Since I have 3 days off in a row again, I'll get to be there to answer questions/help them should they need it. Which is definitely good because if it was my Dad or my Mom, they would have no idea what to do and would most likely call me anyway.

Work is still the same; slow and boring and dull. I worked yesterday and am on my lunch break of my 12-8:30 shift today.

No Skype date with John, since no internet, but we were able to have a very fruitful phone conversation last night. I also talked with Emmy some before I read more of The Girl Who Played With Fire and went to bed. I'm almost done with that book...and should be able to get The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet's Nest sometime soon in paperback.

I seem to have hurt my wrist by bending backwards on my bed, just to see if I still could. Ice and Advil will be used liberally once I get home. It figures; once I have finally almost gotten rid of my ringworm, I hope, something else happens.

I'm glad I'm off tomorrow. Dad's taking us to lunch at a BBQ place in Boscawen, and the rest of the afternoon will consist of gym {which will depend on my wrist}, reading and watching the two discs of 'Boardwalk Empire' I'm getting in today. I should also be getting in the first season of 'The IT Crowd' that I ordered for John's Christmas gift. I also ordered him, and me, a coaster that has 'Keep Calm and Put the Kettle On' on it.

Watching 'Titanic' right now...

…as an adult, I can more fully comprehend the tragedy of the whole thing. Especially so near to the 100th anniversary of the sinking.
It is amazing how big of a clusterfuck it became. The 20 lifeboats on the ship could hold 40 people {Lifeboats 1 and 2}, 65 people {Lifeboats 3-16} or 47 people {Collapsibles A-D}. And of the 2,203 people on board, that meant only about half the people on board would optimistically be saved had the lifeboats been filled to capacity, or about 1,178 people could’ve been saved.

As it was, 706 people were saved from the ship. Out of 2,203, that’s about a third {or maybe more, maybe less, Math isn’t my strong suit} that were saved. Mostly because the boats were inadequately filled. As we might remember from the movie, when Thomas Andrews is asking Second Officer Lightoller why the boats are being launched half full. Lightoller says that they were concerned about the weight and that “some of the boats may buckle”. Andrews says this is “rubbish. They were tested in Belfast with the weight of seventy men!” One boat, Lifeboat #1 was launched with only 12 people, and the first Lifeboat, #7, was launched with 28 people. An inordinate amount of first class passengers were rescued as the third class passengers had no idea how to get up to the boat decks because the hallways were confusing and not clearly marked. One of the third class stewards, John Hart, led people from third class up to the decks in two trips, but a lot of people were left behind even with his help.

Like I said, complete clusterfuck, but in a way, it was…I don’t want to say good, but the fact that it helped change a lot of ship and maritime regulations means that at least those people didn’t die completely in vain.

Do you like your name?

I didn't before, but I have come to like it

Ask me things. And even stuff.

I'm just rattling through life

I've got a headspace now of not wanting to do anything but read, text, sit in my room and listen to music on Spotify while eating Gummy Bears and drinking Dr. Pepper Cherry. Spotify's been giving me some gems the last few days; a lot of bands I've never heard before now{or either can't remember if I have}, like Frightened Rabbit {I'm 99% certain I've heard them before through Ben}, Surfer Blood, Local Natives, The Temper Trap and The xx, among others.

At the very least, I want to do this while taking a train trip across the country, or if not across America, then across Europe and back. Do you ever listen to music that evokes images like that in your head? Like you can see landscapes and scenery passing through your head while the music plays? That's what I've got now while listening to this album.

The title of this entry is rather appropriate, I think. At times, I do feel like I'm just rattling through life. On the whole, aside from work, I do nothing.

I texted John before work and after work, as per usual. 23 days and he'll be here and I can kiss him and touch him and love him. It seems like a lot less waiting than the last time around, and I can't figure out why.

I'm always home

Yesterday was the last of my 3 days off in a row. I didn't go to the gym, mostly to give my body a break from it, and had a leisurely day like I usually do. I deposited the rolled coins in my savings account and made a quick stop at CVS to get more mouthwash, some Gummy Bears and some tortilla chips.

Once home, I made dinner for Mom and myself; General Tso's chicken, white rice and sweet potato waffle fries, while we watched 'The Ghost and the Darkness' and 'The Tempest'. Of the two, I liked the former the best, but seeing Chris Cooper's acting in 'The Tempest' was a treat, since he's never done Shakespeare before. He really should do more of it, since he was excellent.

I started The Girl Who Played With Fire last night, and like The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, it's highly engrossing {or so I thought}.

Aside from how leisurely my days have been, I've felt a sense of melancholy creeping up at random times. A lot of it was from today, where I was on the verge of crying twice. Once was when Mom was asking me stuff about John and that ultimately brought up the fact that he's planning on moving back to England at some point. I told my Mom point blank today that if he asked me, I would go with him. I said it like that, and added, "Just to let you know now."

Before we started watching the movies, she pointed out that he would have to get established in the country, since he's never worked there {having moved to the US when he was all of 7 or 8}, and would have to find a place to live, and possibly someone to sponsor him. And that if I wanted to follow suit, I would have to get a visa, find a sponsor myself and work and a place to live before I moved...like most of this didn't cross my mind already. I love my Mom, but I don't know why she thinks I don't think of things on my own. I guess it's hard for her to see me growing up and when she looks at me she still sees me as a young kid, but...yeah.

That stuff and the fact that I think there's something wrong with one of my cats almost made me cry today. I had my cat Seraph on my lap while watching the movies- which sadly doesn't happen a lot because I usually have my computer there or I don't want her on me because she sheds a lot...come to think of it, that's why I rarely have any of the cats on me...I sound like a horrible pet owner...

ANYWAY. I had Seraph on my lap and my hand brushed against something on her left leg at the crook of her...for lack of a better word "elbow". I looked at it...and I have no fucking idea what it might be. Mine and my Mom's and later my Dad's attempts to figure out what it might be resulted in her squalling and yowling in what sounded like pain, and so that got me upset.

I thought it might be a tick that had just embedded itself in her leg, because what I could feel of it feels kind of hard and insect shell-like...but I think a tick would've fallen off by now, since we haven't had any in the house since the summer.

Either way, I should call the vet to see her examined.

Oh! And did I mention that my car is making a kind of squealing noise? I think the serpentine belt is loose again. FML, man.

Work was alright today, aside from a soda bottle exploding during the first ten minutes of my shift. I talked to Liz on the drive home and made more headway in The Girl Who Played With Fire.

It's all because of me

-Starting Weight: 191.5
-Current Weight: 183.5
-Goal Weight: 172
--+--

Sunday I worked, Monday I worked. Sunday was an 11-7 day but I ended up staying until almost 8 because of a coworker who left early because he was "sick". And I put it like that only because he is always asking Kaeli to leave early around 4 or 5 when his shift isn't over until 8...because he's bored.

Yeah? You're bored? Unlike the rest of us who enjoy standing around empty stores, twiddling our thumbs as nothing happens. But, whatever. When coworkers aren't there, it means more hours for the rest of us. And as such, staying later on Sunday meant I could leave earlier on Monday.

Ben and I watched episode 4 of season 2 of 'Downton' together on Monday night, and he also got me to watch the first episode of the show 'Sherlock'. I kind of don't see what the big deal is with this show. Maybe it's just me. I did laugh at the line, "I pickpocket him when he's annoying", but otherwise, nope.

Tuesday was a day off. I managed to be really productive in the morning before Mom and Dad got home from Mom's job interview and put the clean dishes away, shoveled a bit and wiped the sink out. After watching two episodes of 'All in the Family', I spent a majority of my day reading my book about the Tudors; The Tudors: The Complete Story of England's Most Notorious Dynasty by G.J. Meyer. I started it in March but am just now getting around to finishing it, thanks to reading 50 other books last year.

I worked out yesterday afternoon, and it was highly successful. I managed to go 4.7 miles on the elliptical machine in 45 minutes. Not a bad bit of business, I must say, and it left me pretty pleased with myself. I also wound up staying for an hour and 15 minutes lifting weights.

I talked with Bekah on the way home, had a nice dinner and read some more before I watched the documentary 'Miss Representation' on youtube. Before I went to bed, John and I had a Skype date, which is always lovely.